The relationship between cousins can be very close and deep. Maybe you were very close but have grown apart because of physical distance, a misunderstanding, or even problems within your family. No matter what circumstance, you can get your cousin to like you and turn the relationship into something that is meaningful for both of you.
StepsPart 1Part 1 of 3:Building the Relationship with Your Cousin
1Find things you both like to do. A good way to build your friendship with your cousin and get them to truly like you is to find your commonalities. These will give you a starting point for your interactions.XOn the surface it might seem as though you and your cousin do not have much in common. But if you keep your contact consistent and ask them questions about their life, you are likely to find things that both of you have in common, from something as simple as personality traits to similar hobbies.X For example, maybe you both like to play online games or enjoy Pinterest. You could set up a match against one another or follow their Pinterest boards.You can use not having many commonalities to benefit both of you. This may give each of you a different way to look at the world or introduce you to new activities that you enjoy.X For example, if your cousin loves hiking and you have never really been hiking, consider a hike together. You might enjoy it and even if you do not, it will still help them like you more because you’re open to new experiences.X
2Talk and laugh often. Talking to your cousin as often as your schedules permit will build your relationship significantly. By keeping your conversations positive and light, you will laugh often and strengthen your relationship even more.XXXSocial media has made it easier to stay in contact with cousins. You can find different ways to stay in touch with your cousin on websites such as Facebook and Twitter.The prevalence of cell phones has made it easier to send text messages. You can send either traditional text messages or use free messaging services such as Viber and What’sApp.Online video chatting, through applications like Skype or FaceTime, also make it easy to stay in touch in a much more personal way.Remember to stay positive and respectful. Do not insult or willingly hurt your cousin. If you do accidentally hurt her, apologize and move on.
3Do fun activities together. Spending and having a good time together at different activities helps not only build your relationship, but also trust. XMaking your cousin laugh or laughing at something funny they do will help get them to like you. Everyone loves a person who makes others feel happy.Be flexible in what you do. You won’t necessarily like every activity your cousin suggests or likes, as they won’t necessarily have the same taste as you. But being flexible will help build your relationship. Your cousin should be as respectful of your choices, too.Make sure to spend time together outside of family gatherings. They can often be stressful and create unwanted drama in relationships.X
4Show genuine interest in them. Listen to what your cousin says and draw on threads from conversations in your interactions with them. This shows that you pay attention to what they say and are genuinely interested in them and your relationship.XXOne of the best ways to show interest in your cousin is to ask them questions. They can be as simple as “do you like to…” to asking them to explain something about their education or where they live.XXPart 2Part 2 of 3:Gaining Your Cousin’s Trust
1Be a good communicator. There are two parts to being a good communicator: Speaking and listening. Talk with your cousin and listen to what they have to say. This will show them that you are serious about them and your relationship.XBe consistent in your communications. Once you have reestablished contact with your cousin, be consistent in your communications. This does not mean you have to respond to messages or calls immediately, but having regular contact will build trust between you.One of the most important components of gaining your cousin’s trust is by listening to them. Show them that their interests and problems are important to you.XX For example, if they’re having trouble in school or with friends, talk to them about their feelings and help them find a solution to the problem.Sharing secrets with one another will also help gain your cousin’s trust. Just make sure not to tell anyone their secrets because this may lead to conflict.X
2Reach out to them. Re-establishing contact with your cousin will put you on the right path to gaining their trust and getting them to like you. Keep your first messages simple so that you do not overwhelm your cousin.There are different ways to reach out to your cousin, including a letter, an email, or a phone call. Social media is also an option: You could friend your cousin on Facebook or follow them on Instagram. Even this small gesture helps pave the way for further communication.Start with a simple message, such as, “We used to be so close and I have missed you. It would be great to be in contact more frequently if you like.” This kind of message lets them know your feelings and puts the ball in their court regarding further contact.
3Be respectful and flexible. Make your cousin feel comfortable and relaxed when you are talking or spending time together. Being respectful of them and flexible in your own behavior will help gain their trust and get them to like you more.XYour cousin may have different beliefs and values than you. Respect and appreciate those differences to show that you’re serious about your relationship.XBeing respectful includes not insulting your cousin or their family members. Taunting or tattling on them or telling their secrets to others is also a sign of disrespect.X
4Meet each other at a non-family gathering. Once you’ve had a chance to establish consistent contact with your cousin, suggest meeting in person. Avoid doing this at a family gathering, however, which can be very stressful and exacerbate problems.Keep your first meetings simple. Suggest coffee, lunch, a movie, or sporting event. You can meet for longer periods once you have had a chance to see each other in shorter spans.Part 3Part 3 of 3:Maintaining the Relationship with Your Cousin
1Stay in contact. It’s natural for there to be periods when you won’t be in very close contact with your cousin or be able to get together. But even sending a simple message such as “hey there, hope you’re doing well” lets them know that they’re important to you.Stay in touch with your cousin on websites such as Facebook and Twitter.Call or text them. You can send either traditional text messages or use free messaging services such as Viber and What’sApp.Online video chatting, via applications like Skype or FaceTime, also make it easy to stay in touch in a more personal way.
2Continue to show you care. Beyond staying in contact, it’s good to show your cousin that you care about them. There are many simple ways to do this from remembering their birthday to offering to help with a problem.XRemembering dates that are important to your cousin will help maintain your relationship. Write down birthdays, anniversaries, and important upcoming events so that you send your cousin wishes on these dates.Offering to help your cousin, when they have a problem or otherwise, also shows that you still care about them. This can be as simple as babysitting when their regular sitter cancels, helping them with homework, or helping them shop for a special item of clothing.X
3Keep your relationship respectful and positive. It’s normal to have ups and downs in any relationship, but by keeping your behavior towards your cousin respectful and largely positive, you’ll be able to maintain your relationship long term.XYou’ll occasionally have negative emotions or moments in any chat or interaction. Do your best to handle these situations in a calm and respectful manner and then move on.Avoiding family drama will help you to keep the relationship with your cousin respectful and positive.XX
