Finding out a family member has been placed in foster care can be a traumatic and heart-wrenching situation. If you feel like you have the means to do so, you might consider bringing the child into your home to live with you. It’s not easy, but your effort will be rewarded by the knowledge that you’re doing the best thing for the child and helping to keep your family together. The process will differ, though, depending on whether you’re the child’s parents or another family member.
StepsMethod 1Method 1 of 2:If You’re a Relative
1Get in touch with the child’s caseworker. Every child in foster care has a caseworker who manages their case. The child’s caseworker has a case plan they’ve developed with that child’s specific needs in mind. Through the caseworker, you can hopefully learn a little more about how the child ended up in foster care and what you can do to help them.XTrustworthy SourceChild Welfare Information GatewayOnline portal managed by the U.S. Children’s Bureau providing resources related to childcare and abuse preventionGo to sourceAll foster care workers are required to do what they can to find family members of a child placed in foster care. This typically includes, at a minimum, asking the parents for names and addresses of family members.If you got a notice from the foster care agency telling you that the child was being placed in foster care, it will have the name of the foster care agency and the child’s caseworker on it.If you didn’t get a notice, try calling the child’s parents to see if they know the caseworker’s contact information. If you’re not in contact with the child’s parents, try cold-calling foster care agencies in the county where the child lives. You might also try the child protective services office. They might not give you much information (at least until they’ve verified your identity), but it at least establishes contact.2Confirm that you meet the requirements to foster the child. Only certain family members are allowed to foster children. This is the main requirement that should be your initial concern. In most states, you can foster the child if you’re their grandparent, aunt or uncle, or older sibling. Preference is usually first given to grandparents.XTrustworthy SourceChild Welfare Information GatewayOnline portal managed by the U.S. Children’s Bureau providing resources related to childcare and abuse preventionGo to sourceAt least 28 states, the District of Columbia, and Guam allow kids to be placed with “fictive kin” if a suitable close relative can’t be found. This can include distant relatives, like cousins, as well as people who aren’t related to the child by blood or marriage at all but have a close relationship with the family (such as a neighbor, church pastor, or athletic coach).The caseworker will go over everything you need to know so you can make sure you meet the requirements before you put a lot of work in to try to get the child, only to find out it’s not going to happen.Remember that taking care of a child, even a relative, and even temporarily, is still a huge responsibility. You’re taking on a huge responsibility that can change your life in a lot of ways—so you need to make sure you’re prepared for that as well (or as prepared as you can be).3Talk to the child’s parents if you can. Your path will be smoother if the child’s parents support you. State foster care programs ultimately would rather have a child staying with a family member than with an unrelated foster family. If the parents want their kid to live with you as well, a judge will be more likely to approve the arrangement.XTrustworthy SourceChild Welfare Information GatewayOnline portal managed by the U.S. Children’s Bureau providing resources related to childcare and abuse preventionGo to sourceIf you don’t have a good relationship with the child’s parents, this might not be the easiest thing to do—but it’s worth it for the kid’s sake. You might even say to them, for example, “I know we don’t have the best relationship, but I’m trying to look out for little Lucy’s best interests and I know she’s already been through a lot.”The typical goal of a foster care case plan is to eventually reunite the child with their parents in a stable, loving environment. Unfortunately, the foster care system only gives parents about a year to get things back on track, and that might not be long enough if the issues involved are more complex.4Get your home ready for the child to move in. Set up a room for the child with furniture and clothing. You’ll also want to include age-appropriate games and toys. Keep in mind that, while the child will have some of their own belongings, they usually won’t have a lot of their own things with them.XIf you don’t have any kids of your own and aren’t familiar with exactly what a child that age would need, talk to the caseworker! They usually have checklists you can use to set up a room. They can also offer suggestions and recommendations on where to buy the things you’ll need.Start mentally preparing yourself and your family as well. It can help to mentally include the child in your life as you go through your day. For example, as you’re making breakfast, you might think about what you’d need to do to help get the child ready for the day.5Take foster parenting classes through the foster care agency. These classes help you navigate the foster care system. They’re usually optional for family members, but they’ll definitely help you and can answer a lot of your questions! They’re free and will provide you with a lot of information about the foster care system and how to best help the child in your care.XTrustworthy SourceAdoptUSKidsNational organization devoted to providing educational resources about adoption and the child welfare systemGo to sourceFoster care agencies also typically have classes geared towards working with kids with specific special needs. If you know what issues your family member has faced, these classes might be helpful for you as well.For example, if you know that the child was abused or neglected, you might take a class on gaining the trust of a child who has previously been abused.These classes also connect you with a lot of support that can help you prepare mentally to bring a new child into your family.6Work with the caseworker to complete your home assessment. A home assessment ensures that your home is safe for the child. Typically the caseworker will sit down and talk to you and any other adults in your home, then walk through your home to check for basic safety issues. Don’t be upset if the caseworker finds issues the first time they walk through—these can usually be fixed fairly simply so you’ll pass the assessment the second time around.XTrustworthy SourceChild Welfare Information GatewayOnline portal managed by the U.S. Children’s Bureau providing resources related to childcare and abuse preventionGo to sourceThe specific health and safety standards are set by the state and depend on the child’s age and any special needs they might have. For example, if the child is in a wheelchair, your home would need to be wheelchair accessible.Don’t worry if you don’t have a particularly fancy home, a lot of space, or a big backyard. That’s not what the caseworker is looking for. They just want to make sure your home is clean enough that the child won’t get sick while living there and safe enough that the child won’t risk injury.About 35 states have streamlined processes for family placements that don’t require a home assessment unless a judge orders it.XTrustworthy SourceChild Welfare Information GatewayOnline portal managed by the U.S. Children’s Bureau providing resources related to childcare and abuse preventionGo to source7Order background checks through the caseworker for all adults who live in your home. You can’t foster a family member if you have a history of child abuse. This is the primary thing the foster care agency looks for with the background check. You might also have a problem if you have a violent criminal history or if you’ve had relatively recent brushes with the law. Otherwise, you should be fine.XTrustworthy SourceChild Welfare Information GatewayOnline portal managed by the U.S. Children’s Bureau providing resources related to childcare and abuse preventionGo to sourceThe standards for background checks of family members are typically less stringent than they would be if you’re applying to be a foster parent of kids you’re not related to.8Visit with the child before they come to live with you. Some foster care agencies want to observe you with the child. The agency is more likely to require this if you didn’t know the child well before or don’t already have a pretty close relationship with them. If the child already knows who you are and is excited to come live with you, visits probably won’t be necessary.XTrustworthy SourceChild Welfare Information GatewayOnline portal managed by the U.S. Children’s Bureau providing resources related to childcare and abuse preventionGo to sourceThe caseworker will typically want to observe interactions between you and the child, either in their office or at your home. They’ll want to see how the child gets along with everyone else in the home as well.9Ask the judge to sign off on the placement. Some counties require you to appear in court to finalize things. The caseworker will let you know if you have to go to court before you can bring the child can move in with you. Often, this is just a formality because the judge needs to formally approve the placement, but if everything’s in order and the caseworker has already approved it, there shouldn’t be any surprises.XTrustworthy SourceChild Welfare Information GatewayOnline portal managed by the U.S. Children’s Bureau providing resources related to childcare and abuse preventionGo to sourceWhere a judge places the child with you, typically you’re given temporary guardianship of the child. This just means that you can make educational or medical decisions on the child’s behalf without having to ask the caseworker first.10Maintain a regular schedule of parental visits. The child’s parents still have the right to see them after they come to live with you. If the caseworker gets the impression that you’re trying to take the child from their parents or keep the parents away from the child, they might ask the judge to move the child to another home. A child’s relationship with their parents is very important. As their caregiver, it’s up to you to make sure they’re able to see and talk to their parents on a regular basis.XTrustworthy SourceChild Welfare Information GatewayOnline portal managed by the U.S. Children’s Bureau providing resources related to childcare and abuse preventionGo to sourceFor example, you might arrange to be home at a specific time every Sunday so the child’s parents can stop by for a few hours.If the child’s parents are in jail, you might be responsible for taking the child for visits. It’s also possible that the caseworker will come to pick up the child and take them. Ask the caseworker what they think is best.It helps if you have a good relationship with the parents as well, although this isn’t always possible. If your relationship with the child’s parents is strained, at least try to keep things civil. Think in terms of what’s best for the child, not what your personal preferences would be.11File a petition in court if you want full custody of the child. Having full physical and legal custody means you can make all decisions. Full custody is in many ways similar to being the child’s parent. You’ll be completely responsible for the child’s health and welfare and won’t have to get anyone else’s approval before making decisions on the child’s behalf. In this way, full custody is similar to adoption, except that with full custody, the child’s parents don’t have to give up their parental rights.XRemember: just because the child is living with you doesn’t mean you have custody. Typically, if the child is staying with you through a relative placement program, that means you have temporary physical custody. But the state, through the foster care agency, technically still has legal custody of the child.Full custody is usually considered somewhat more permanent than temporary physical custody. To get full custody, you usually have to show that extraordinary circumstances keep the child’s parents from having custody. For example, if the child’s parents were both in jail, that would qualify as extraordinary circumstances.Judges are usually more likely to give you temporary guardianship than custody—especially if it seems likely that the parents’ issues will be resolved within a year or so. If you already have temporary guardianship, getting custody might not be worth the extra time and effort.12Talk to an attorney if you want to adopt the child. If the child has been living with you for several years and you have a close bond, you might be thinking about adoption. Remember, though, that adoption is permanent and requires legal proceedings. If the child’s parents are willing to give up their parental rights, an attorney can help you make it official.XTrustworthy SourceChild Welfare Information GatewayOnline portal managed by the U.S. Children’s Bureau providing resources related to childcare and abuse preventionGo to sourceBefore you get started, have an age-appropriate conversation with the child about adoption. If the child is unsure or isn’t on board with the idea, there’s no point in trying to force the issue.Keep in mind that the ultimate goal of the foster care system is to reunite children with their parents if at all possible. If the parents are making progress towards reunification and it seems like it would be in the best interest of the child, it might be best for you to back off for a little while longer.XTrustworthy SourceChild Welfare Information GatewayOnline portal managed by the U.S. Children’s Bureau providing resources related to childcare and abuse preventionGo to sourceMethod 2Method 2 of 2:If You’re a Parent
1Hire an attorney to help protect your rights. From the moment the state takes custody of your child, you have rights as a parent—but the court and foster care systems can be frustrating and confusing to navigate on your own. An attorney will help you understand what’s being asked of you and stand up for your rights when necessary.XSome states provide parents with an attorney at no cost if you’re unable to afford one on your own. You might also be able to find an attorney through your local legal aid clinic who will take your case for free or at a reduced cost.XTrustworthy SourceChild Welfare Information GatewayOnline portal managed by the U.S. Children’s Bureau providing resources related to childcare and abuse preventionGo to source2Go to the initial court hearing for your child’s placement. At the initial court hearing, the judge will hear information about you and your child and decide who they should be placed with. If a family member has offered to take your child, the judge will usually go with them rather than with a stranger.XDuring the initial court hearing, you and your child will also be assigned a caseworker from the foster care agency. That caseworker will be your point person throughout the time your child is in foster care and you’ll need to work with them closely to get your child back home with you.3Develop a case plan with the caseworker. When you’re working with the caseworker, think in terms of what’s best for your child, which won’t always necessarily be what’s best for you. Typically, you’re going to have to make a lot of changes before you can get your kid out of foster care. Those changes might be difficult for you, but ultimately, you’ll be a stronger person and a more supportive parent.XTrustworthy SourceChild Welfare Information GatewayOnline portal managed by the U.S. Children’s Bureau providing resources related to childcare and abuse preventionGo to sourceBased on the things the judge listed in the court order, the caseworker will help you set goals and come up with things to do to remedy the problems the judge found so you can get your kid back.Usually you’ll have a combination of personal, job- or work-related, and family-related things to do. For example, you might need to take anger management classes, drug or alcohol treatment, or job skills classes. You might also need to repair your relationship with family members or cut contact with someone who was abusive to you or your child.4Organize all of your case-related documents and paperwork. Buy a 3-ring binder with tabs and put copies of everything related to your case in the appropriate section of that notebook. Make sure it’s always accessible if the caseworker calls and bring it with you to all your meetings with the caseworker or your attorney, as well as when you go to court.XKeep copies for yourself even if your attorney or your caseworker are keeping copies. These copies are for your own records and also show that you’re taking ownership of the process and taking things seriously.If your caseworker refers to a document during one of your meetings and you don’t have a copy of it, don’t hesitate to ask for one! You have the right to a copy of all the documents related to your case.5Sign up for classes and programs as recommended by the case plan. If your caseworker recommended specific classes or programs for you, go ahead and sign up for them as soon as possible and do everything you can to attend every session. If you need help with transportation, let your caseworker or your attorney know.XTrustworthy SourceChild Welfare Information GatewayOnline portal managed by the U.S. Children’s Bureau providing resources related to childcare and abuse preventionGo to sourceBe an active participant in your classes! Take notes and ask questions if there’s anything you don’t understand. You might also talk to the instructor to find out if there’s anything else you can do in between classes to further your progress. They might recommend articles you can read or websites you can visit.6Visit your child as often as possible while they’re in foster care. These visits are essential to rebuild the bond between you and your child and reassure them that you still love and care for them and haven’t abandoned them. Depending on the circumstances, you might have visits at the foster home or in the caseworker’s office under supervision.XIf you have transportation problems or can’t get to a visit because of a conflicting appointment, let your caseworker know as soon as possible before the time of the scheduled visit so they can reschedule it.Have things you and your child can do together during the visits. While it can be great to just sit and talk, kids tend to get bored after a few minutes of that. Bring age-appropriate activities, puzzles, or board games along so you have something to pass the time.7Keep in regular contact with your kid between visits. Call your kid at least a couple of times a week to check in and see how they’re doing. You can share the progress you’ve made as well as ask about how they’re doing in school or with any other activities.XTrustworthy SourceChild Welfare Information GatewayOnline portal managed by the U.S. Children’s Bureau providing resources related to childcare and abuse preventionGo to sourceFor example, if your kid has a science test on Thursday, you might call them on Friday and ask how their test went. You could also call them the night before and offer to help them study!If your kid is involved in sports or other extra-curricular activities, get a schedule of the games and go if you can. If you aren’t able to go, at least call them and ask how the game went. Show them that you care about the things that are important to them.8Maintain open communication with the caseworker. If you’re trying to get your kid out of foster care, the last thing you want to do is avoid the caseworker’s calls. This can be tough if you’ve slipped recently and are having a hard time following the case plan, but you’ve got to keep those lines of communication open no matter what.XGenerally, call and check in with your caseworker at least once every 2 weeks if you don’t hear from them. Keep in mind that all caseworkers are busy and have a lot of cases they’re working on. If you don’t keep in contact with them, it can be easy to slip through the cracks.Let them know how you’re doing and if you’ve had any breakthroughs or accomplishments since you last spoke. For example, you might tell them about the new job you just started.9Do everything you can to meet your case plan goals. It’s going to take a lot of hard work to accomplish your goals and it’s easy to get down on yourself when you slip up—but nobody’s perfect! Acknowledge and take ownership of your mistake so you can learn from it, then vow to do better next time. Keep moving forward, focused on the ultimate goal of getting your child back to live with you—this time for good.XTrustworthy SourceChild Welfare Information GatewayOnline portal managed by the U.S. Children’s Bureau providing resources related to childcare and abuse preventionGo to sourceIf you’re having a hard time with something, talk to your attorney and your caseworker. They might be able to help you get back on track. Your caseworker can also help adjust your case plan with more manageable goals.10Go to another court hearing after 6 months. You might have another hearing before this, but most judges wait until the 6-month mark to review a case after a child’s been placed in foster care. During this hearing, the judge will look at your case plan and the progress you’ve made and decide if your child needs to continue to stay in foster care and, if so, for how long.XIf you feel like you’re making a lot of progress, it can be quite a blow if the judge says they think your child should stay in foster care—but try not to take it personally or get too down on yourself. Remember that the judge is looking out for your child’s best interests and that they want you to be reunited.If the judge decides that you and your home are ready for your child to return, they’ll tell the caseworker to start the transition process. It normally takes a few weeks to transition a kid out of foster care. During that time, keep doing everything you were doing before to improve your home and your life.
11Take advantage of the agency’s transition resources. The foster care agency’s ultimate goal is to reunify you with your kid and they’ll have lots of resources you can use to make that transition a little bit easier mentally, physically, and financially. When your caseworker decides you’re ready to start the reunification process, you’ll typically have a couple of weeks to get ready to have your kids back home again.XTrustworthy SourceChild Welfare Information GatewayOnline portal managed by the U.S. Children’s Bureau providing resources related to childcare and abuse preventionGo to sourceYour caseworker might do an overnight or two as a practice run before your kid moves back home full-time. Use these opportunities to establish a regular routine—don’t treat them like special occasions. Show your child what it’ll be like when they live with you all the time.Don’t be afraid to ask your family and friends for help as well. This time around, it’s important to make sure you have everything ready to welcome your kid back into a happy and healthy home where they can thrive.
