While most of your wedding guests will probably be kind, supportive, and polite as they help you celebrate your new marriage, you also might have a few guests who just seem impossible to please. You might find yourself dealing with people who want to bring uninvited guests, complain about the venue, or are picky about the catered food. It can be a challenge to deal with these guests while you’re busy or stressed, but it is possible. You can start by planning the day well in advance and communicating your plans clearly before the wedding. On the day of the wedding, maintain peace by keeping a cool head, giving clear directions, and designating someone to deal with troublemakers.
StepsPart 1Part 1 of 3:Avoiding Potential Problems
1Think carefully about who to invite. Keep in mind that you’re not obligated to invite anybody to your wedding. This day is about you and your partner. If you have estranged relationships with certain family members or you have fallen out with an old friend, don’t feel pressured to send an invite. Plus, if you know certain family members or friends are notorious for being a bit difficult, it might be best to leave them off the guest list.XIf a distant relative or acquaintance expresses disappointment at not being invited, say something like, “I would have loved to have everyone attend, but we’ve decided to have a smaller wedding because of budget constraints.”To avoid making people feel left out, consider arranging an informal get-together or party after you return from the honeymoon.
2Avoid hiring friends and family members to provide wedding services. If you have friends or family members who are caterers, food vendors, or who provide other types of wedding services, you may want to avoid hiring them. Hiring a family member may open the door for potential problems, so it might be in your best interest to avoid hiring any family members or friends at all if you can afford to do so.
3Talk to family and close friends about any concerns they have. If you know ahead of time that an aspect of your wedding will be a point of conflict with one of your guests, discuss it with them. Bringing up the issue will make them feel like you care about their concerns. You may be able to reach an understanding so that your wedding day proceeds without any unhappiness or hurt feelings.XFor instance, you might want to invite a close friend who happens to be your brother’s ex-girlfriend. Explain your choice by saying, “I know you guys aren’t together anymore, Charlie, but she has been my friend for years. I would really like to have her there. I will make sure you are seated far apart from each other.”If friends and family members are already fighting amongst themselves, then you might consider foregoing some of the traditional wedding elements to eliminate the source of the problems. For example, if friends and family are arguing about who will sit at the head table, then you might want to eliminate the head table altogether. If there are arguments over who will be a bridesmaid or groomsman, then you may consider not having bridesmaids or groomsmen.
4Ask guests about any dietary restrictions or other special needs. Guests who announce they can’t eat the food at the reception can cause extra expense and hassle for you and the caterer. Include a space on your RSVP card where guests can indicate any food allergies or other dietary restrictions, such as a vegan or religious diet.XYou can send an email or call guest individually and say, “We are planning the menu for the reception dinner and wanted to inquire about special diets. Do you have any dietary restrictions?”
5Figure out your top priorities. Undoubtedly, something will go wrong at your wedding, but you can decrease your frustration by paying extra special attention to certain aspects of the day. Thinking about what’s most important to you and your partner and planning accordingly will ensure the day is memorable, even if there is a small hitch in the plan.For instance, if you and your spouse really want guests to be able to have fun and dance all night, you might spend extra money on a DJ with a broad range of music choices. That way, if guests aren’t pleased with your music choices, they can make special requests.XYou may also consider letting go of control over less important details, such as what everyone wears.If there is a friend or family member who is particularly difficult, then you might consider asking them to make a small decision for you to help them feel special and important.Part 2Part 2 of 3:Setting Clear Expectations
1Decide how to divide the guest list early on. Traditionally, the bride and groom get to choose half of the guests, and the remaining half is split evenly between their families. If you think that your family or your fiancé’s family might not like this arrangement, consider splitting the list 3 ways.XKeep in mind that if one or both of your families are helping to pay for the wedding, they should get a bigger say in who gets to come.
2Be up-front about decisions you’re not willing to budge on. If you’re absolutely certain about your venue or the style of dress you want, don’t let anyone talk you out of it. You’ll remember this day forever, so stand your ground on details that are particularly important to you.XIdentify some areas you’re willing to compromise on and use them as bargaining chips. That way, when your mother tries to pick out flowers for you, you can say, “Mom, I really appreciate that you want to help with this, but I’m absolutely sure I want gardenias. Will you help me design my invitations instead?”Make sure that you and your fiancé present a united front on matters that are important to you. If you are not sure where your fiancé stands on certain matters, then discuss it with them to get on the same page.
3Avoid letting people bring uninvited guests. Print names on the response cards included in your invitations, so that guests can’t write an extra name on them. If you do intend to let someone bring a date, make it clear by indicating it on the envelope.XIf someone tries to write in the name of an extra guest anyways, call them and politely let them know of the mistake. Say, “I’m sorry the invitation was confusing, but we don’t have space at the venue for everybody to bring a guest. I’m looking forward to seeing you, though.”Be aware that if one of your guests is engaged or married, etiquette dictates that you must invite their fiancé or spouse, too.XPart 3Part 3 of 3:Keeping the Peace on the Big Day
1Provide clear directions. Some wedding guests who come off as demanding might just be confused. Make sure everybody knows how to get to the hotel, the wedding itself, and the reception venue. That way, no one will give you, your wedding planner, or the hotel staff a hard time when they’re feeling lost.XProviding clear directions is especially important if you’re having a destination wedding or getting married somewhere foreign to most guests.For example, you can provide clear directions and an itinerary on your wedding website. Provide links to hotels where guest can book a stay, offer easy-to-follow directions to the wedding and reception locations, and practical tips like what sort of attire to wear for the event.You might want to designate a certain person to answer any questions about logistics. Provide that person’s contact information and available times to chat to your guests.
2Have someone ready to play referee and handle conflict. If a guest does start acting rude, demanding, or belligerent at your wedding, you shouldn’t be the one who has to deal with it. Enlist the help of your wedding planner or a friend to handle difficult guests.XDecide on a code word ahead of time to let the designated referee know that a guest is becoming a problem.For example, if your mother-in-law simply won’t stop complaining, you might have a point-person in her family to distract her with a task or give her an alcoholic beverage to settle her down.You might even consider leaving your phone at home for the day so that you are not reachable if you are being bombarded with texts and phone calls about the issue.
3Set up activities for the kids. If you’ve invited children to your wedding and reception, a little extra thought can ensure they stay happy all night. Doing so will minimize any problems with parents not knowing how to entertain their kids and actually be guests at the wedding. Allow both adults and children to enjoy themselves by providing kid-friendly things to do.For instance, make sure there will be kid-friendly foods available, set boxes of crayons at their table, and provide small toys or bottles of bubble solution for them.XYou could also hire a babysitter (or a few, depending on how many children are attending) to entertain the kids so the parents can enjoy the festivities.
4Try not to take criticism personally. Sometimes people forget their manners when they’re inebriated. There will always be someone who isn’t satisfied with the music, food, or venue, and thinks it’s a good idea to tell you about it. Shrug it off and redirect the conversation if you can – it’s your wedding, not theirs, and a little misguided criticism doesn’t have to ruin the night.XFor instance, if your great-aunt Harriet goes on and on about how the ceremony was not performed according to tradition, perform a self-assessment and ask yourself “Am I happy with the way things went?” If you are, ignore her criticism and enjoy your special day.Keep in mind that criticism most often comes from a place of concern or of envy, so try to have empathy for the person and see their perspective. This will help you to react to the criticism with compassion rather than hurt feelings.
5Practice mindfulness on your wedding day. Practicing mindfulness can be a great way to enjoy every little detail of your wedding day. You can practice mindfulness as you go through the day by taking moments to stop and look at what is happening around you.For example, you can pause and take a few deep breaths as you notice the sights, smells, sounds, and feel of your environment. You might notice the colors of your wedding decorations, the smell of the food, the sound of people talking, and the coolness of the room you are in.You can also use a calming mantra to keep you mindful throughout the day. For example, as you pause and breathe, you can repeat to yourself, “All is well on my wedding day.” Keep repeating the mantra to yourself (silently or out loud) for a few minutes as you breathe.XTrustworthy SourceHelpGuideNonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.Go to source
6Surround yourself with supportive people. If you are surrounded with negative people who seem to find something wrong with everything, then you may end up feeling more stressed on your wedding day. Instead, make sure that you surround yourself with positive people who can help to support you and lift your spirits if someone causes a problem.For example, instead of spending your day with your cousin who is constantly complaining, spend the day with your most upbeat and positive friends and family members.
7Take good care of yourself. Practicing good self-care can help to reduce stress and keep you sane on and leading up to the big day. Make sure that you set aside time each day to perform basic hygiene tasks, such as taking a shower, styling your hair, brushing your teeth, and picking out clean clothes. Also, make sure that you are doing healthy things for yourself, such as eating healthy foods and exercising.
