All people have secrets at different points in their lives. When a girl is hiding something, it may not necessarily be a bad thing; for example, she could be hiding information about a surprise birthday party. However, there are certainly also times when the secrets are more serious. There are ways to tell when a girl is hiding something, many of which are backed by psychological and scientific research.
StepsPart 1Part 1 of 2:Reading the Signs That She Is Hiding Something
1Be aware when something seems off about her. If this is someone that you spend a great deal of time around, you will likely become aware pretty quickly that something seems different or off. Make a mental note and try to remember to continue making observations about when she seems different than she usually does.
2Track when her behavior changes. Once you are aware that she seems off, start paying attention to when her behavior changes. Look for patterns that will give you an idea of what might be causing her to act differently.Does her demeanor change when a particular subject is brought up?Does the change occur when a certain person is around?Does she seem to feel uncomfortable when she is in a specific location?Is there an upcoming event that she does not want to discuss?
3Make observations about her changed behavior. Again, if you know her very well, then spotting differences in her behavior should be quite simple. As you narrow down the general cause for her sudden secrecy, observe her for any habits or tell-tale signs of lying or secrecy.Seems to be thinking really hardXEyes frequently flickering toward an exitXFrequently pauses when giving responsesXChanges the subject abruptlyCrosses her arms across her chest or protects other vulnerable areas, like her throatXShares too many detailsXLeans backward, as if trying to physically distance herselfXStillness of her arms and legsXLack of emphatic gesturingXStops using “I” statements and refers to people by names instead of “him” or “her”XAvoids answering questions completelyXClears throat and swallows hard frequentlyX
4Consider the severity of what she seems to be hiding. As you observe her behavior and what triggers it, think about what she might be hiding and how serious it is.If you are in a relationship with her, then perhaps she is hiding that she is cheating or that she picked up a bad habit she promised she quit, like smoking. Or, if she is a friend, maybe she is hiding something that was said about you behind your back.There is always the chance that she is hiding something positive, like a surprise gift or party. It is important to give her the benefit of the doubt.X
5Write down your suspicions in order to prepare confronting her. Creating a list of your suspicions, or detailing one big suspicion, will help you to both look and feel more prepared as you confront her. It also gives you the opportunity to refer to what behaviors, words, or actions made you come to these conclusions.Include anything strange about her behavior, including things she has said, ways she has acted, and odd behaviors she has displayed.Note your observations about what topics or people seem to trigger these changes in her demeanor.
6Ask a mutual friend’s opinion on your suspicions. Choose someone who knows both of you and ask your friend if he/she has noticed the same odd behavior. This friend might know her side of the story and can help you realize if there is something you are missing that explains the behavior or if your observations are accurate.Part 2Part 2 of 2:Confronting Her About What She Is Hiding
1Find a time to talk to her. Depending on your relationship, you could plan to talk to her at home, if she is your significant other, or you could make plans to meet her for lunch, for example.Avoid letting on that you want to talk to her about her secretive behavior, if you are making plans in advance. This will likely cause her to decline your invitation and make it harder for you to talk to her to find out what is going on.
2Bring up the topic calmly and rationally. There is the possibility that she could become explosive when you bring up the topic, so do your best to diffuse the situation by remaining calm.XExpert SourceMaya Diamond, MARelationship CoachExpert Interview. 17 January 2019.However, this does not mean that you should be evasive or vague about what you are getting at. You need to be clear and straightforward about her secrecy so that she fully understands the conversation.“I get the feeling lately that you’re keeping something from me. My relationship with you is important to me, so I’d like to talk about it.”“You’ve had some interesting reactions to comments I’ve made lately. I don’t want to offend you, but it seems like you might be keeping a secret. Can we talk about it?”“I’ve noticed recently that you’ve been extremely nervous most of the time I’ve been around you. Is something going on that you would like to talk about?”
3Explain your thoughts and observations in way that shows her you are concerned. You are having this conversation with her because you are concerned about what is going on, and you want to resolve it, so help her understand that with your words and gestures.XExpert SourceMaya Diamond, MARelationship CoachExpert Interview. 17 January 2019.“I’ve noticed lately that when Bryan is around, you become distant and closed-off. I’m wondering what has happened to bring on this change in you toward him? I’m here to help you.”“Recently, you’ve become a little secretive when we talk about our plans with other people. I’m concerned, and I want to know if there’s something that you need to tell me.”“The last time that we were in Mrs. Smith’s class, you seemed really jumpy and fidgety. I’m here for you, if you want to talk about what happened to cause that.”“You told me the other night that you stayed in and read a book until you fell asleep, but Stacy said that the two of you went out dancing. I’m hurt that you lied to me, and I’m wondering why you felt the need to do that.”
4Listen attentively to her response. Remember to stay calm, and give her the opportunity to respond to you without interrupting. If she continues to appear secretive, let her know that you are observing particular behaviors that indicate she might be lying, like an inability to maintain eye contact, making frequent pauses in her response, or giving too many details. Then, ask her again to be honest with you.If she continues to withhold what is really going on, then you need to consider the value of this friendship or relationship. What does it say about your relationship with her if she will not tell you the truth?“I heard you say that…”“I understand that you feel…”“I appreciate that you agreed to talk about this with me, but I get the sense that you’re still not being completely honest. Can you share the whole truth with me?”“I’m really glad that we’re getting the opportunity to talk about this. However, it seems like you have more you want to say but haven’t yet. Go ahead and share.”
5Give yourself time to process what she shares. In the event that she does share with you what she has been hiding, give yourself time to process it, especially if it is something negative.XExpert SourceMaya Diamond, MARelationship CoachExpert Interview. 17 January 2019.Consider her reasons for hiding it from you and the validity of those reasons. Should she have been honest with you from the beginning, or is her secrecy understandable?Evaluate the relationship, whether it was right of her to hide information from you, and what can be done to repair any hurt that was caused.
