A dominatrix is a person who takes the dominant role in a bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism (BDSM) relationship. While some people become dominatrixes and work with clients professionally, you may just want to role play being a dominatrix for fun. In this case, you can act out a fantasy role for you and your partner’s mutual pleasure. Proper behavior, communication, and procedure is crucial – not only for fostering a nurturing relationship, but also to avoid any physical or psychological trauma to either party.
StepsPart 1Part 1 of 3:Having the Dominatrix Attitude
1Decide what you are comfortable with doing. A pro-dominatrix may choose to have little or no sexual contact with their clients. However, many do offer a full range of sexual services for their clients. Even if you are acting out the role with your partner, it is important to establish what you are comfortable with doing and saying. A dominatrix should feel comfortable and in control at all times.If you choose to be a professional dominatrix, it is important to understand the risks. Even if you take all of the necessary precautions, a person could act out against you. There are also risks involved with sexual contact, such as STDs.
2Be open-minded with the other person. If you choose to be a professional dominatrix, you will need to go into the situation without judgment. Your client could come from any background and be there for any reason. Although you are paid to be in control, treat each client with respect and understanding. Even if you are with a mutual partner, be respectful of their desires.For example, a client may tell you that they are asking for your services because they desire to be controlled in everyday life. It is your responsibility to not judge this desire.
3Be confident. You can’t dominate another person unless you are able to take control of the situation. Focus on the fact that you are in charge. Do not be afraid to say or do anything, as long as your partner is okay with it.For example, you may feel shy about demanding your partner to be quiet or sit down at first, but don’t be, unless they tell you they are uncomfortable.
4Maintain good posture. Remember, you hold all of the power, so maintaining good posture subconsciously lets your partner know that you are in charge. Stand straight and hold your head up.
5Make the situation about you. It needs to be clear that it is all about you and your pleasures and amusements. Unless something specific has been requested, do and say whatever you want, as long as it isn’t truly harmful. This is the case even if you’ve been hired as a dominatrix.XPart 2Part 2 of 3:Playing the Part
1Ask a dominatrix to mentor you. This isn’t necessary if you are acting out with your partner, although you may want to pick up tips from videos or books. If you truly want to become a dominatrix, having someone show you the ropes can be very helpful. Your mentor can teach you how to protect yourself, negotiate, and even teach you some behaviors.
2Practice verbal communication. A lot of being dominatrix is about what you do, but what you say and how you say it can be just as important. Practice giving demands and speaking confidently. This may feel funny at first, but you will get use to it over time. Watch videos of other dominatrixes if you want to get an idea of how they speak.
3Have a plan for your time as a dominatrix. There’s a big role-playing component with being a dominatrix. Come up with a routine so that you don’t get stuck in your role. Plan your routine and practice it so that it feels natural when it comes to time to perform your act.You can watch videos of dominatrixes to get ideas.Ask your partner if they have specific desires. Incorporate these desires into your routine.
4Purchase and learn to use accessories. Accessories are a large part of BDSM. A whip, blindfold, paddle, rope, and handcuffs are some commonly used dominatrix accessories. You can order these online or purchase them from a sex shop. Make sure that you and your partner are comfortable with the use of accessories.XSome other accessories you can use are leash and collar and chastity belt.
5Turn your items into accessories. If you can’t buy accessories, you can turn some of your items into BDSM accessories. For example, you can use a belt, silk tie, or sleeping mask. Just be sure that it’s okay with your partner if the items belong to them.X
6Train to use the accessories. It requires some learning to use accessories correctly. For example, it takes practice with a whip to give the desired level of pain on the skin of your client without leaving wounds. Practice with your accessories and learn about them before fully using them.XDon’t use too much power. Getting carried away could lead to injury.
7Decide on a safe word with your partner. Typically, the submissive will have a code that tells the dominatrix when they need to stop or hold back. Ask your partner or client to come up with a safe word to let you know when to stop. For example, the word could be “purple.” Over time, you can develop a language with them that allows the “act” to go smoothly.X
8Be attentive to your partner’s needs. Boss your partner around and stay in control, but be responsive to what they ask for. Along with being responsive, know when to stop if your partner or client looks in pain or is unconscious. Some minor pain may be desired, but the partner should not be truly hurt.XPart 3Part 3 of 3:Looking Like a Dominatrix
1Get the attire that you feel most confident wearing. A full-bodied (often black) cat-suit is a mainstay of fetish and bondage culture. Make sure your suit is made from leather or rubber latex. If suits aren’t your thing, find some sexy, black dresses or lingerie. Your partner also may request for you to wear a certain outfit.XThe leather suit is better to use in the bedroom (or otherwise) than day to day use.There’s a difference between a dominant lifestyle and fetishism, but the skintight black bodysuit remains an iconic garment in both communities.
2Invest in high heels. Thigh-high stiletto boots are commonly worn by dominatrixes. Like the cat-suit, these boots represent dominatrix attire to mainstream culture. Platform boots and stilettos can also be worn. It’s also an option to wear flat, black boots if you can’t wear heels.X
3Wear a corset. A corset is a close-fitting undergarment (often worn as outerwear) that helps shape (and hold) your body. A bondage corset has become a staple in fetish wear. A bustier can also be worn as an alternative. This should be worn with lingerie or a dress rather than under a cat-suit.X
4Choose other sexy accessories. Fishnet stockings or garter stockings are some staple accessories that pair well with dresses and lingerie. You can also wear gloves that are finger-less or elbow length. If concealing part of your identity helps your confidence, wear a mask that conceals part of your face.X
